Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)

What should you do?

One of the most important ways you can support your child is to calmly listen to them and acknowledge that their fears are real to them. Remind them how important it is to attend school and reassure them that you and the school will work with them to make school a happier place for them. There are some suggestions below.

Tell the school there is a problem as soon as possible and work in partnership with the school to address the issue. A plan should be made with the school to help your child. Schools have access to an EBSA toolkit which will help with preventing the risk of EBSA developing or getting worse.

Talking to your child about their worries

Any child currently avoiding school is likely to become anxious when they are asked to talk about their difficulties or returning to school.

A good place to start is to acknowledge that it may be difficult but that you would like to know what they think and feel. If they find it difficult to talk, you could ask them a specific question this might help them start to sort through their fears and feelings.

For example:

• What three things are you most worried about?
• Or what three things were you recently worried about?

It is also important to focus on positives:

• What are the three best things about school?

Sometimes children may find it hard to tell you face to face, perhaps you could ask them to write it down, email or text you.

Some children also find it easier to draw how they are feeling.

Remind your child that anxiety and stress are normal and at times helpful aspects of life. We all need to develop ways of coping with these feelings. Feeling anxious or a certain level of stress before something new or difficult has been shown in some situations to improve performance.

What else can you do to support your child

Communication:

• Give your child clear, consistent messages, with an expectation of compliance.
• Try to ignore attempts to get into a debate or to distract you.
• Avoid discussing your doubts and worries with your child.
• Maintain good communication and work with the school to put in place strategies that will help your child. Give the same messages about expecting the child to attend school.
• Problem-solve by asking questions – try to understand the reasons why your child is avoiding school. Try not to ask leading questions like “are you worried?” Try to ask open questions like “how do you feel?”
• Help your child to create and think through solutions and plan together what they need to do. Helping your child solve their own problems shows confidence in them and helps them develop their own problem-solving skills.

Strategies:

• Reassure and encourage. If possible, try to have your child remember a time that they didn’t want to do something and when it turned out okay how they felt afterwards.
• Encourage your child to find things they can enjoy about the school day (e.g., chatting with friends, PE, art class, lunch time, etc.).
• Work through ways to help your child cope with the difficult aspects of school. Look at the pros and cons of each suggestion. Decide which is most likely to work and give it a go.
• Give your child closed choices. For example, ask “do you want to wear your red jumper or your blue jumper?” or “do you want to bring lunch with you or buy it there?”
• Emphasise and reward partial successes.
• Model coping strategies. Keep calm in front of your child.
• Set short manageable target, breaking down immediate tasks.

School-related actions:

• Maintain good communication and work with the school to put in place strategies that will help your child. Give the same messages about expecting the child to attend school.
• During school hours, if your child is not in school, limit as much as possible activities (including interaction with relatives and friends) and resources at home that make home more attractive than school.
• Maintain routines. If your child is staying at home, continue to get up and go to bed at the same time, maintain a day schedule, homework time and relaxation time outside school hours.
• Ensure EBSA support is coordinated with any existing SEND provision, including SEN Support or EHCP outcomes.

Wellbeing and support:

• Take your child to the GP if they are regularly complaining of feeling unwell.
• Start a diary to note when your child is reluctant to attend school or complaining of being unwell. See if there are any patterns that might help you understand why your child is reluctant to attend.
• Encourage contact with and engage in activities with friends outside of school.
• Ensure that you have access to your own network of support.

Carrying out the plan

Towards the beginning of initiating a plan your child may show more unhappiness and you should prepare yourself for this. It is important that all adults, both at home and school, work together to agree a firm and consistent approach. Any concerns about the plan should not be shared with your child and a positive ‘united front’ is recommended.

It is likely that there may be difficulties implementing the plan and these should be anticipated, and solutions found. You should try to keep an optimistic approach, if your child fails to attend school on one day, start again the next day. It is also important to remember there is likely to be more difficulty after a school holiday, period of illness or after the weekend.

You may feel tempted to change schools, however research tells us that often difficulties will re-emerge in the new school and whenever possible it is normally better to try to resolve the issue in the current school.

Finally, as a parent it can be difficult to see your child unhappy. Make sure that you have someone to talk to too. This could be a friend, family member or an organisation such as those listed at the end of this.

What can you expect the school to do?

• Listen carefully to you and your child. They should acknowledge the challenges faced by your child and you as their parent or carer.
• Maintain close contact during periods of non-attendance. A named member of staff should act as a consistent link to provide support and maintain communication.
• Work in partnership with you and your child. The school should explore the difficulties your child is experiencing and collaborate on ways to make school a more positive and accessible environment.
• Hold regular meetings to develop a support plan. This plan should be co-produced with you and your child and clearly outline the next steps and support strategies.
• Respond to school-based issues. This includes addressing academic challenges, bullying, or difficulties with peer relationships that may be contributing to non-attendance.
• Provide support for arriving at school. Reasonable adjustments might include meeting a friend at a set time and place, using a quiet space to settle, engaging in a preferred activity, or having a morning responsibility like a monitor role.
• Seek support from other professionals if needed. If difficulties persist, the school should consider involving external services such as educational psychologists or mental health professionals.
• Use available resources and guidance. Schools can refer to the EBSA Toolkit available on Bromley Education Matters to guide their approach.
• Ensure absence is accurately recorded and supported by evidence. If your child is unable to attend school for 15 consecutive or cumulative days due to health needs or other reason, the local authority (LA) has a legal duty to provide suitable education (e.g. online learning or alternative provision). The school should help gather the necessary evidence and code the absence appropriately. Mental health conditions such as anxiety may be considered a disability under the Equality Act 2010, requiring the school to make reasonable adjustments. The LA’s policy relating to section 19 can be found here. For students without an EHCP the LA processes all requests for alternative provision or support through its multi-agency panel, Gateway.

Note: The actions listed above are based on guidance from the Bromley EBSA Toolkit, the SEND Code of Practice (2015), and national legislation including the Children and Families Act 2014, the Education Act 1996, and the Equality Act 2010. These documents outline the responsibilities of schools in supporting children and young people experiencing emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA). Schools are expected to follow these practices to meet their legal and statutory duties.

Further sources of support

Bromley Y

Access support and webinars for children, young people and families. Find out more at the Bromley Y website.

Bromley IASS

Bromley IASS (Information, Advice and Support Service) is a self-referring service which offers advice, information and support to parents or carers of children and young people with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) from birth to 25 years old. You can contact Bromley IASS by email on iass@bromley.gov.uk.

Bromley Parenting Hub

The Bromley Parenting Hub pulls together information for all parents in the borough, whether together, separated or considering separation, who want to find ways to improve their relationship and get on better.

Bromley Mencap

Bromley Mencap is an independent, self-funded charity working with disabled people, based in the London Borough of Bromley.

YoungMinds

YoungMinds is a charity championing the wellbeing and mental health of young people. They publish a range of information for parents. They also have a parent helpline. Calls are free Monday to Friday from 9:30am to 4pm 0808 802 5544.

Anna Freud

Anna Freud is a world leading mental health charity for children and families.